PLANS

Plans.
I'm constantly worried about not having any of them.
I'm causing myself grow a grey hair planning for the future.
I get lost without them.
At first when i just finished with school, i wanted to take medicine so bad. That was also a decision i made based on a plan. I think that was waaay back in 05.
Even got a place in biological science in Matrix Gopeng. But lets face it..every so often, plans changed.And it happened for a reason.
As a human and a muslim, humans can only plan..and god shall determine our fate.
Even though, i really wanted to go through with it, God has better plans for myself.
Dad made one phone call to the UIA rector back then, and there i was ready to take up LAW. the thing I resent the most in life.

I questioned myself...

how in the world does a person read law? Isn't there a ge-zillion tons and stacks of things that one must know in order to take up this peace of crap? And lets face it, no body cares about a bloody thing. I know i don't.

Remember Ally McBeal? The skinny anorexic chick who daydream all day long and imagine piano falling on people that she loathes? Well, if i ever get into the business, I'm gonna be JUST LIKE HER. I see judges being cynical and all that in the court all the time and goodness grace, i cant imagine being called an idiot in front of others. And if she does call me an idiot, shes DEAD to me. like metaphorically. like shes some kind of an insect and am a gigantic foot stomping on her brainless face. Then everything will go into a blur and I'll storm out of the court room and take my law books and burn it all together.

fuhh, Okay. i feel better. where was i...?
(Sorry. Had a huge fight with the boss this week, and I'm blaming on the taking up law plans.) Oh yeah, anyways..

i use to hate the 5 years plan to take up law. I think i still do sometimes.
But theres no use of nagging and crying and throwing tantrums for having to change plans. Why? Because it's just going to bring you down. If I'm going to blame all the bad things that happen in life based on the decision Ive made 5 years back, then I'm not going anywhere. In fact, I'll miss out on many things in life.

I hear myself and others telling me all the time "Keep an open mind...Rezeki ada di mana-mana, as long as you work for it.." I used to take those words for granted, but true enough, even though, by now, my mind is only half opened... The other half is still full with question marks... I'm starting to see the fruits of my labour. I see opportunities flashing across me everywhere. Opportunity to learn. Opportunity to work. opportunity to meet people. Opportunity to find somebody to love and even, opportunity to find my true self.And it is up to me to take those opportunities and to make them mine. If i don't, someone else is going to take it.. Am just stuck in time and tale of a girl.. who wanted to take up medicine, but she cant. and so she became an inglorious pain in the butt for everyone.

So here i am. 5 years later. Seeing back at myself 5 years back in those baju kurung school uniform. The head strong, idealist, day dreaming, ambitious person that i was and still am. Only now, im so much more laid back. so much more mature. so much more happier and definitely much much more wiser.

Right now, im happy to announce that in 2 weeks time, I'll be finishing my law attachment programme at Bursa Malaysia K.l and after that, Ive got 1 more year before i graduate. And after that.. chambering at a top notch law firm in KL and at the same time finish my Shariah diploma.

so much for not wanting to plan...

Yeah those are the things that i wanna do before other plans get into the picture. Nevertheless, in all spirit of trying to keep and open mind, whatever changes that may effect the current plan, I'll accept it with patience and belief that I'm heading to a much better path.

Amin.